Wednesday, March 10, 2010

My Kind of Doctor ;)



 I  love this Doctor!  You will too!  It's written in Chinese English.

Q:  Doctor,  I've heard that  cardiovascular exercise  can prolong life.  Is this true?   
A: Your heart only  good for so many beats, and that it...don't waste on exercise.   Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart  not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of  car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take  nap.  

Q:  Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?   
A: You must grasp  logistical efficiency.  What does cow eat?   Hay and  corn.   And what are these?    Vegetables.  So steak is nothing more than  efficient mechanism of delivering  vegetables to your system.  Need grain?  Eat  chicken.  Beef also good source of field grass (green  leafy vegetable).  And pork chop can give you 100% of  recommended daily allowance of vegetable product. Ice Cream  even better everything Cow eats in one package!  

Q:  Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A:   No, not at all.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy  is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit  so you get even more of goodness that way.  Beer also  made of grain. All people who don't drink are unhappy.  Happy  people live longer so drink more. Bottoms up!  

Q:  How  can I calculate my body/fat ratio?   
A: Well, if you  have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If  you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.  

Q:  What  are some of  the advantages of participating  in a regular exercise program?  
A: Can't think of  single one, sorry. More people killed running on street than  lying on couch. My philosophy is: No  pain...good!


Q:   Aren't fried foods bad for you?  
A:   YOU NOT LISTENING!  Food are fried these day in  vegetable oil.  In fact, they permeated by it.  How  could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?    

:   Will   sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft  around the middle?  
A:  Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.   You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger  stomach.  

Q:   What about food additives?
A: You want to  complain about something for free? If it added it must be  better like fuel additive!

Q:   Is chocolate bad for me?   
A:  Are you  crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another  vegetable!  It best feel-good food around!  

Q:   Is swimming good for your figure?  
A:  If  swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..  

Q:   Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?    
A:  Hey!   'Round' a shape!  

Well, I hope this has  cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and  diets.

And  remember:

Life  should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of  arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but  rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand -  chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up,   totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a   ride!!"

For   those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final  word on nutrition and health.  It's a relief to know the  truth after all those conflicting nutritional  studies.   

1. The Japanese eat very little  fat
      and suffer fewer heart  attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of  fat
      and suffer fewer heart  attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very  little red wine
      and suffer fewer heart  attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians  drink a lot of red wine
      and suffer fewer heart  attacks than Americans.  

5. The Germans drink a  lot of beer and eat lots of  sausages and fats   
      and suffer fewer heart attacks  than Americans.


Eat  and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you!!

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